Here, Let Me Help You Out Of That Closet...

Last night, my friend Andrea emailed me a YouTube speech that Dustin Lance Black gave at Harvard and told me to watch it. For those of you who don't know, Dustin Lance Black is the man who wrote the screenplay for "Milk", and also the man who delivered one of the most memorable Oscar acceptance speeches that I've ever heard. In the speech I watched last night, I was struck by something he touched on. He talked about how the gay community needs to come out and really put ourselves out there, live our gay lives in the open, because it's very easy for people to vote against us when they can't see us, when we're invisible. This got me thinking about "out", what it means to be out, and just how important it is for us to come out...we need to be an-in-your-face and OUT presence if we want to be taken seriously and if we want to win this fight.

I don't by any means consider myself an activist, I don't think I have the mentality, but while I might not be on the front lines battling, I'm not exactly hiding either. More and more I'm trying to be out, completely out, exposed, unashamed of who I am and who I love. There are things I've always wanted to do as part of a couple that I've always been scared of doing outside of Boystown. These days, I'm saying "Eff you, fear. I'm doing these things." and I'm forcing myself to do them. They are simple things that I'm sure every hetero couple on the planet never ever ever thinks twice about and therefore totally takes for granted. I'm doing things like holding The Joyous One's hand at restaurants when we're having a romantic dinner, even though I'm nervous about the server asking us to leave. I will put my arm around her at Cubs games, even though I worry that I'll get peanuts thrown at me(although if they aim the peanuts at my mouth I won't care because free peanuts!). I'll grab her hand as we stroll down the street, even though I'm terrified that the wrong person will drive by. Outside of my relationship with The Joyous One, I've taken to being totally open and shouting my gayness from the FB rooftop, even though I'm worried about what my "friends" might think. And I'm contributing to this blog, which is all about being gay.

Don't get me wrong, I know I've had it fairly easy. I know that not everyone has the support that I've been so lucky to have. I cannot even pretend to know what it's like to have things go the other way. But what I do know is that by putting myself completely out there, and opening up myself and my life to people, that some closeted gay who reads this blog, or looks at my Facebook page will realize that they do have the support of me, and all the others gays of the world. And maybe it will light a fire under them to come out, to quit the lie, to say "Eff you fear. I'm doing this" and if that happens enough times, you can bet your ass we won't be invisible anymore.

It's the month of Pride, all you gays out there! Let's be proud of ourselves!

Shocking "Out"age...

I was shocked to discover that Adam Lambert is gay...shocked...totally shocked...I'm shocked...it's shocking news...is my sarcasm coming across here?

Things Can Only Get Better...

I'm sure by now all of you have heard the depressing/obnoxious news that California decided to uphold Proposition 8. I was pretty angry about it, but through my anger, I was happy to hear that the 18,000 married gays of Cali would still be recognized as married. I also wasn't feeling like all was lost just yet, because I knew that there was a bill in Illinois, called the Illinois Religious Freedom Protection and Civil Union Act, or HB2234, that Illinois gays were hoping would be passed before the end of the spring session. In a nutshell, HB 2234 defines "civil union" as a legal relationship between 2 persons, of either the same or opposite sex. The passage of this bill would have been a big step towards equal rights for homosexuals in Illinois. Yesterday, I got the titty-twister news that Illinois lawmakers decided to re-refer HB2234 to the Rules Committee...basically, HB2234 is a horse w/ a broken leg, and re-referring it to the Rules Committee is shooting it to put it out of it's misery.

Maybe that's a little dramatic of me, but I am a gay, it can't be helped. After all, re-referring a bill to the Rules Committee means that the bill MAY BE considered dead, not necessarily all the way dead, so perhaps HB2234 is a daddy long legs with all of it's legs pulled off...may be considered dead. Either way you look at it, Illinois gays are still considered second class citizens of the state, and obviously the country. Hard working, tax paying, second class citizens.

What continues to baffle me in this debate over queer marriage is that religion, yes re-f*cking-ligion, is the ONLY argument against it. Religion...religion...religion...yes, I'm going to continue to say "religion" until someone tells me where "separation of church and state" went. Bring it back, I miss it. Apparently we don't actually follow that legal doctrine anymore, because "Church" really seems to run things around here, and "Church"? Is kind of an asshole. "Church" is that bitchy girl in the bathroom at your first high school MORP who, upon seeing your delicious fade, asked you if you were in the right bathroom, which then made everyone in the bathroom laugh at you and buried you further into the closet. "Church" is the guy at Joe's on Weed street, who hocked a loogie all over your back because you were a gay girl in a sweater vest. "Church" can go to hell, as far as I'm concerned.

Listen, I'm all for religious freedom, I'm all for various religions having the power to decide which couples they will recognize as united in holy matrimony. And I know that those spouters of hate, and preachers of selective rules from their "Bible" are just trying to make themselves feel better about their own sins, and they are free to do that. But those people are missing the point. I'm not asking for my partnership with The Joyous One to be recognized by these religions, I could care friggin less. Where I want to us to be recognized is under the law, just like any straight couple that's been united in a non-religious ceremony. As far as I know, the Bible is not the "law". I've said that before, I will keep saying that until someone can prove me wrong. The Bible is not the "law."

Just last week, Joe and I talked "gay marriage" for the first time. I stand on the side of the fence that wants to be married, or at the very least I want the same rights as all the straight couples out there. Sometimes I'm fine with gay partnerships being called "civil unions", while straight partnerships get the "marriage" tag. Then I flip my script, and I think anyone who isn't united in a religious ceremony doesn't get to be called "married," and we should change all non-religious unions to "civil unions". Other times I want my "marriage" to be called a "marriage" and I feel like I won't be happy with it being called anything else. Does that make it seem like I don't know what I want? Perhaps, but I do know what I'm not allowed to have, and that's equal rights for The Joyous One and I, and our partnership, or whatever I feel like calling it today.

Out and Proud...

Well what do you know? Another Pride Month is nearly upon us. It seems like only yesterday I was comforting Joe on my bosom as the Dykes On Bikes roared past. Good times. Anyhomo, June 1st marks Pride Month, a month in which several queer activities happen leading up to the Grand Dame of Chicago parades...the Pride Parade. The Pride Parade is seriously my favorite event of the year. I'm like a kid hopped up on sugar when it's parade time. Or an adult hopped up on Jim Beam and Coke, which is usually what I'm hopped up on. But yeah, I love love love the Pride Parade. I usually start looking at the parade website in like, March, even though I know the lineup and grand marshal aren't announced until the end of May. But I can't help it, I get excited. So this morning I looked up the parade stuff, as I've been doing for 2 months, and I see that most of the info is up, the grand marshal, the Pride calender, the bathroom sponsors(seriously, do you think the people who sponsor the port a potties are walking around on Pride day like "oh look honey, there's the sh*tter I sponsored. Doesn't it effing stink?"). Anycrapper, most of the info was up, including some disturbing news in the "Parade Information" section...there will be barricades the entire length of the parade route. What. The. Hell.

You know, this parade barricade business does not bode well for me and my friends. We are used to having free reign of Broadway. In fact, knowing that we can go into the street means that we don't have to get to our corner at the crack of parade dawn to save a spot. Plus, if it's barricaded how am I supposed to hug my parents when they go past w/ PFLAG? Which I do EVERY year and have done every year for like, many years. How is The Joyous One supposed to high-five Ron Magers if the route is barricaded? How are we supposed to enjoy the parade if we're caged like gay animals? How are we supposed to run across the street willy-nilly to greet friends that we see on the other side of the street? How are we supposed to ridicule the people who get hit by floats if no one is getting hit by floats? I mean, I suppose that's why they decided to barricade, it helps to control the crowd, and it makes it a little harder to get hit by floats if you can't get into the street. But I'm saddened by this news. It will take a little something away from the parade.

Okay, to keep from getting sad, I'm going to think about Prides past, and do some happy reminiscing. Meta's first Pride Parade: I can't remember the year because my memory is shot due to all of the Jim Beam I drink(not really, but doesn't that sound more tough than the truth, which is because I'm the single most forgetful person on earth?). I was at Pride with my sister Emily and her friend Katie. We were on Broadway, somewhere near The Closet because I remember thinking "Oh goodness, that's a gay bar! Clever name. Maybe some day I'll go there"...funny because I spend an inordinate amount of time at The Closet now. Anycloset, we were standing there watching the parade, and we heard loud cheering happening and we weren't sure what the cheering was for. It started to make it's way closer to us, and we realized it was for PFLAG(Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays). I had never seen PFLAG before, I didn't even realize it existed. So there they were, all these Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays, holding signs about loving their gay kids, being proud of their queer sons and daughters, it was moving stuff, let me tell you. All of the sudden, Emily's friend Katie goes "There's your parents!". I think I responded with "No way...", but sure enough, there they were...marching along with all the other proud parents. I absolutely lost my sh*t. I'm not sure I've cried that hard from being happy in my whole life. I think all 3 of us kind of ran towards them and just hugged them, all of us a mess of tears and runny noses. As we went back to our spots, I saw that all of the people around us were crying. I think they realized the enormity of what they had just witnessed: a newly out, scared, gay girl being fully embraced by her parents and knowing that she was going to be okay. It was a beautiful thing.

So, Pride memories, people. Let us have em!

Here Comes the (Straight) Bride...

This past weekend, I went to Spin with my friend Chad. Don't ask me why we picked Spin, I don't like Spin, I mean, I've only been there twice, but I just don't like it. Whatever, I was there, so I decided to make the best of it. How does one make the best of something? Why, by dancing, of course! So Chad and I headed to the dance floor, jumped up on the dancing blocks, I looked around at the peeps below us, and was smacked across the face...by a bachelorette party. There they were, straight girls dressed in their clubbing best, surrounding a bride-to-be complete with a veil and a sash and penis straws. To be fair, the penis straws could have come from behind the bar at Spin, it is a gay bar after all. As I was looking at them, my face slowly went into "Stink-eye" mode, I felt my mouth turn frowny, I felt my nostrils flaring like some sort of gay bull, and I felt something else. It was hurt. I was hurt. Their presence in that gay bar, celebrating this girl's impending marriage, hurt me.

Not long ago, my dad was telling me about a column he read regarding gay bars who were putting up signs just saying "NO" to bachelorette parties. I applauded them at the time, and I'm applauding them even harder now. I get that the attendees of a bachelorette party just want to go someplace where they can dance around, get wasted and not have to worry about being hit on by men. But how severely insensitive of them to parade around in gay bars and clubs wearing veils and "Bride" sashes without any regard for the patrons that the bars are meant to serve: the gay community. A community whose members cannot get married, whose members have zero rights when it comes to their partners, whose members are surrounded by hate and discrimination...how dare these women come in and rub our faces in it, because that's what it feels like to me. Please don't misunderstand me, I have no problem with straight people "coming out" to our town. In fact, I'm all for it because most of my friends are straight. I also think that the meshing of gay and straight is a totally necessary thing if we ever are to be truly accepted and perceived as "normal". But it has to be done with respect to us and the issues we face, and that's what's lacking from these bachelorette parties: respect.

Bears, cubs and otters...Oh My.

Today I was "woofed" at on the street.

See gays put labels on each other. There's bears which are big bellied hairy men. The cubs are like younger bears. Otters are slim, young hairy men. I don't identify in any of these sub-types. In fact, I find them horrible....I don't enjoy being referred to assome woodland mammal. Or worse! Chub. Why don't you just call us fat asses and get to it?

It's like how girls get Lane Bryant or words used like "curvy" or "plus sized". Men? We get Big and Tall Stores and 4X, 5X etc. like ,"you're so fat that we can't fit all the X's on a standard label. We have to use the number of X's to save space. "

Anyway...if you woof at me I'm not likely to answer...I'm bitchy, smooth, drink far too much and LOVE raves. I identify as a morbidly obese twink.

Happy Birthday Harvey & Joe!!!

Today, May 22nd marks the birthday of two great gay visionaries...Harvey Bernard Milk and yours truly, Joseph Heaton!

Harvey and myself were born exactly 50 years apart though he was brutally assassinated 2 years before I was born. I imagine what he would think of things in California today. They aren't really any better. California now outlaws gay marriage, the AIDS crisis really put San Francisco on the map as a haven of debauchery...I wonder if he hadn't been killed if he would have put a sane face to the crises and if lives would have been saved?

Lietuenant Milk, as he was referred to during his time as a soldier in the US Navy during the Korean War, was a very proud veteran. He wore a Navy belt buckle all through his adult life. Gay men and women are still struggling to serve openly and honestly. FYI...Gays are patriotic too. And we certainly love uniforms! :)

I love this quote by Anne Kronenberg describing Harvey. "What set Harvey apart from you or me was that he was a visionary. He imagined a righteous world inside his head and then he set about to create it for real, for all of us."

I try to live my life similarly. Gay rights isn't an "issue" for me. It's a reality. Gay people must take control of our lives, demand our rights and not wait for mainstream America to give them to us. In short, we must stop being polite.

This is my first post and I promise they won't all be so soap boxy.

Hugs and Kisses,
Joseph Heaton