Monday, June 15, 2009

Here, Let Me Help You Out Of That Closet...

Last night, my friend Andrea emailed me a YouTube speech that Dustin Lance Black gave at Harvard and told me to watch it. For those of you who don't know, Dustin Lance Black is the man who wrote the screenplay for "Milk", and also the man who delivered one of the most memorable Oscar acceptance speeches that I've ever heard. In the speech I watched last night, I was struck by something he touched on. He talked about how the gay community needs to come out and really put ourselves out there, live our gay lives in the open, because it's very easy for people to vote against us when they can't see us, when we're invisible. This got me thinking about "out", what it means to be out, and just how important it is for us to come out...we need to be an-in-your-face and OUT presence if we want to be taken seriously and if we want to win this fight.

I don't by any means consider myself an activist, I don't think I have the mentality, but while I might not be on the front lines battling, I'm not exactly hiding either. More and more I'm trying to be out, completely out, exposed, unashamed of who I am and who I love. There are things I've always wanted to do as part of a couple that I've always been scared of doing outside of Boystown. These days, I'm saying "Eff you, fear. I'm doing these things." and I'm forcing myself to do them. They are simple things that I'm sure every hetero couple on the planet never ever ever thinks twice about and therefore totally takes for granted. I'm doing things like holding The Joyous One's hand at restaurants when we're having a romantic dinner, even though I'm nervous about the server asking us to leave. I will put my arm around her at Cubs games, even though I worry that I'll get peanuts thrown at me(although if they aim the peanuts at my mouth I won't care because free peanuts!). I'll grab her hand as we stroll down the street, even though I'm terrified that the wrong person will drive by. Outside of my relationship with The Joyous One, I've taken to being totally open and shouting my gayness from the FB rooftop, even though I'm worried about what my "friends" might think. And I'm contributing to this blog, which is all about being gay.

Don't get me wrong, I know I've had it fairly easy. I know that not everyone has the support that I've been so lucky to have. I cannot even pretend to know what it's like to have things go the other way. But what I do know is that by putting myself completely out there, and opening up myself and my life to people, that some closeted gay who reads this blog, or looks at my Facebook page will realize that they do have the support of me, and all the others gays of the world. And maybe it will light a fire under them to come out, to quit the lie, to say "Eff you fear. I'm doing this" and if that happens enough times, you can bet your ass we won't be invisible anymore.

It's the month of Pride, all you gays out there! Let's be proud of ourselves!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Shocking "Out"age...

I was shocked to discover that Adam Lambert is gay...shocked...totally shocked...I'm's shocking my sarcasm coming across here?

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Things Can Only Get Better...

I'm sure by now all of you have heard the depressing/obnoxious news that California decided to uphold Proposition 8. I was pretty angry about it, but through my anger, I was happy to hear that the 18,000 married gays of Cali would still be recognized as married. I also wasn't feeling like all was lost just yet, because I knew that there was a bill in Illinois, called the Illinois Religious Freedom Protection and Civil Union Act, or HB2234, that Illinois gays were hoping would be passed before the end of the spring session. In a nutshell, HB 2234 defines "civil union" as a legal relationship between 2 persons, of either the same or opposite sex. The passage of this bill would have been a big step towards equal rights for homosexuals in Illinois. Yesterday, I got the titty-twister news that Illinois lawmakers decided to re-refer HB2234 to the Rules Committee...basically, HB2234 is a horse w/ a broken leg, and re-referring it to the Rules Committee is shooting it to put it out of it's misery.

Maybe that's a little dramatic of me, but I am a gay, it can't be helped. After all, re-referring a bill to the Rules Committee means that the bill MAY BE considered dead, not necessarily all the way dead, so perhaps HB2234 is a daddy long legs with all of it's legs pulled off...may be considered dead. Either way you look at it, Illinois gays are still considered second class citizens of the state, and obviously the country. Hard working, tax paying, second class citizens.

What continues to baffle me in this debate over queer marriage is that religion, yes re-f*cking-ligion, is the ONLY argument against it. Religion...religion...religion...yes, I'm going to continue to say "religion" until someone tells me where "separation of church and state" went. Bring it back, I miss it. Apparently we don't actually follow that legal doctrine anymore, because "Church" really seems to run things around here, and "Church"? Is kind of an asshole. "Church" is that bitchy girl in the bathroom at your first high school MORP who, upon seeing your delicious fade, asked you if you were in the right bathroom, which then made everyone in the bathroom laugh at you and buried you further into the closet. "Church" is the guy at Joe's on Weed street, who hocked a loogie all over your back because you were a gay girl in a sweater vest. "Church" can go to hell, as far as I'm concerned.

Listen, I'm all for religious freedom, I'm all for various religions having the power to decide which couples they will recognize as united in holy matrimony. And I know that those spouters of hate, and preachers of selective rules from their "Bible" are just trying to make themselves feel better about their own sins, and they are free to do that. But those people are missing the point. I'm not asking for my partnership with The Joyous One to be recognized by these religions, I could care friggin less. Where I want to us to be recognized is under the law, just like any straight couple that's been united in a non-religious ceremony. As far as I know, the Bible is not the "law". I've said that before, I will keep saying that until someone can prove me wrong. The Bible is not the "law."

Just last week, Joe and I talked "gay marriage" for the first time. I stand on the side of the fence that wants to be married, or at the very least I want the same rights as all the straight couples out there. Sometimes I'm fine with gay partnerships being called "civil unions", while straight partnerships get the "marriage" tag. Then I flip my script, and I think anyone who isn't united in a religious ceremony doesn't get to be called "married," and we should change all non-religious unions to "civil unions". Other times I want my "marriage" to be called a "marriage" and I feel like I won't be happy with it being called anything else. Does that make it seem like I don't know what I want? Perhaps, but I do know what I'm not allowed to have, and that's equal rights for The Joyous One and I, and our partnership, or whatever I feel like calling it today.