Thursday, July 23, 2009

Better late than never...or maybe not...

My gayness, it's almost been a month since pride and I STILL have not written a recap. I'm to the point now where I can't even remember what all happened, and that's not just because of the liquor. Let's see if I can mash together something resembling a brief rundown of the notable events of Pride. Not that any of you really care anymore, but tough tits, I'm gonna write it anyways.

Okay, so if memory serves, I took the train to the city w/ a couple of gays, one of whom was drinking vodka and Gatorade at 8:30am...which...awesome. I think I bought some ice, then carried it to Dan and Joe's where Dan demanded that I vacuum...not really, I offered to vacuum because I'm nice and know my way around machines since I'm a lesbian and all. I think Joe made some crack about how clever it was for Dan to hire a lesbian to clean their gay house...I laughed, but I'm sure my heart wasn't in it. Joe had thrown his back out opening a can of Coke or something, so he was sitting on the couch being hilariously dramatic about his condition and then came up with the quote of the day "How am I gonna win the twink tossing with this aching back?"...hilarious.

Okay, what happened next...oh yeah, Cha Cha came with a tray of rainbow frosted cupcakes...which none of us got to see because that b*tch Stevie jumped on him as he walked in, knocking his glorious gaycakes to the floor. ** Note to readers: Stevie is a dog, not some jumpy lesbian who attacks people w/ gaycakes, although I do suspect Stevie is a big ol butch lesbian**. Cha Cha was a great sport, he said "No problem. Can I have a Miller Lite?"...that's the spirit, Cha Cha!

After the gaycake drama, the pre-parade party went pretty smoothly, except for when the screen door jumped off it's track and hurled itself at Molly, nearly concussing her. There were yummy stomach lining treats to nosh on...a delicious French Toast casserole courtesy of Joe, a yummy scrambled egg casserole courtesy of Dawn, and of course, plenty of alcohol-laden bevvies to go around including a delicious champagne sangria(I think) that Dan was whipping up. Yay gays!

The parade itself was...different...than what we're used to. The barricades totally sucked and it changed the landscape of the whole parade. People apparently got down there at like 9:30am to reserve spots for themselves. I thought about doing that, but then the delicious sangria told me not to leave it. The Joyous One put herself in charge of blocking our space, and we got a decent area behind a bench that unfortunately was being occupied by kind of a b*tch. She kept saying the area near the bench was for her friends, but you know what? B*tch ain't have no friends and just was stretched out all by herself. We left her alone, even talked nice to her, but all hell nearly broke loose when PFLAG came a cruisin. The Joyous One asked Senorita Poopy Pants if she could come up to the barricade a little closer just for a minute so she could hug her father-in-law(my dad) when he walked by w/ PFLAG. She said "no"...she's lucky The Joyous One didn't lay her out with a forearm shimmy. As it were, The Joyous One was on her best behavior, she just let it go and left the woman alone...except for all of the rude gestures she made behind the woman's back. After that, the parade was pretty much parade-y...lots of music and cheering and colors...why, all the colors of the rainbow, actually! Michael Jackson was of course the popular music choice, and Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" came in close second. As always, I was happy to see the news channel floats, especially ABC and WGN since those are my favorites...yeah, Ron Majors! Also a notable entry this year were The Dykes on Bikes, because my friend Bridgid was one of the dykes on her bike. Dyketastic!

Post parade party was without my parents for the first year, which was sad because usually my mom plays Santa and all the gays sit on her lap telling her they wish they had parents like her. To brighten our spirits, some straight supporters did some hilarious dance moves in the living room, including the worm. Dan made a great speech thanking everyone who supports us, which I nearly ruined due to smart-a** commentary. Sorry Dan! After the speech there was dancing, and more dancing, and drinking and more drinking, and laughing, and hugging, and drunken picture taking(god I hope none of those photos make the interweb!). Finally, around 7pm, it was time to leave Dan and Joe alone and head out for some food. Halted's was the 'rant of choice, The Joyous One, Jessica and I were seated by a drag queen, then annoyed by a window-jumping shrieker who nearly made our ears bleed. This woman, obvs wastoid, kept jumping out of the front window at Halsted's to greet gays walking down the street. She was totally distracting me from the Britney Spears videos that were playing in the background, so finally, Jessica told on her. Great idea, but this led to her and her drunken compatriot to walk around aplogizing to all of the tables one by one. Save it, sister.

All in all I would say Pride 2009 was a smashing success. I do want to make mention of all the straight support that we got this year...more than we've ever gotten...The Joyous One and I both had our sisters there, Emily and Amy(Amy was a first timer), as well as countless friends. A tremendous thank you to all of our breeders(you know who you are!) who have made the effort year after year to support us on this holiest of gay days. Pride 2010 here we come!


Jessica Cakuls said...

Well said, Lou. Thanks for the re-cap and the shout-outs.

I miss our drag queen host! Too bad she wasn't a lesbian drag queen. Sigh.

The Joyous One said...

Meta, this is a very accurate recap. I hate that b**** with the straw hat. She needs to go hangout in a cornfield and scare the crows away. Next year Sam and I will be at the bench around 8:45am and block it off with police tape. Eff that Senorita Poopy Pants.